Just Call Me Gok Fraser

^^^Please don't, that's a terrible nickname.

Hello, and welcome to Fraser's Seven Step Guide To Looking Between Acceptable And Well Fit In Most Clothes Even If You Are A Munter.

I'm working on the title.

Step One: Throw out all your old clothes. Except the pieces you really want to keep. And then some other ones. Ooh, and that one, your Auntie Gladys gave you that one. And those trousers, you'll fit into them one day...

Step One point Five: Take back all the clothes you threw away.

Step Two: Look in the newest fashion magazines for all the latest trends. (Warning- these trends will only be applicable for the next twenty minutes.)

Step Three: Accessorise. Necklaces, toerings, earrings, hairbands, anything will do. Especially bracelets. From a veritable armful to a single metal chain, the effect is immediate; you will instantly gain an amazingly annoying rattle every time you move your arms.

Step Four: Get an ugly friend. This will greatly improve your comparative looks. The uglier they are, the better you look, so why not customise their face with scars, spots and third degree burns?

Step Five: Take a reality check. You will never be as attractive as the hunks and hunkettes that adorn the covers of gossip Bibles Now or OK, so stop trying to be. (Note: if you are one of the previously mentioned hunks or hunkettes, why the fuck are you reading this? Go and get your spray tan/vajazzle/pec implant/ botox injection already.)

Step Six: Buy all your clothes from Primark and TK Maxx. I'm not even making a joke here, they're really quite good quality. Cheap, too. I actually got my Prom suit from TK Maxx- it's really nice...

Step Seven: Dress like your friend. Seriously, they won't find it creepy or anything.

Step Eight: Shape up. But whatever you do, do NOT get Shapeups. They look like someone modelled a shoe on a banana.

Step Nine: Don't promise a list of ten things if you can't remember the tenth.

Step Ten: